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MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
Do you really have to breath that much?
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?