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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.