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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.