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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes