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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.