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Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!