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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Why do baby clothes have pockets?
Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
I drink to make other people interesting.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.