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Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.