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My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.