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I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.