Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.