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Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.