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I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...