Daily Silly Status

I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.

Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...

I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.

Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...

Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding

Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*

I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.

Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.

I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it

I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.

Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.

Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"