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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun