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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Iām sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!