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The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.