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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.