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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.