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This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?