Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?