Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.