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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.