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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP