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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!