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When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.