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I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally