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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear