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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.