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If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie