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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.