Daily Silly Status

Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?

Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.

Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"

I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...

That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.

trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...

Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.

I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.

I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.

Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.

Born free. Now, I’m expensive.

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"

There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?

wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.