Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.