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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.