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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.