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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
I’m in no shape to exercise.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.