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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.