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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.