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Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.