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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.