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You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.