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Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
I`m having an out of money experience.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]