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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal