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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
My misery likes tequila, not company.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.