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Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone