Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
My house has really let itself go.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there