Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.