Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.