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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...