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The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now