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Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.