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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
I wish my mind had a delete button.
Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.