Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
Your personality needs alcohol.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"