Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.