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When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?