Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"