Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.