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"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
Relationship Status: eating
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.