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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up