Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.