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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
be smart, pretend to be stupid!