Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave