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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?