Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.