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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.