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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.