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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Not so great minds also think alike.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.