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“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
exercise........you mean extra fries
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.