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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.