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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"