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I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
i feel naked without my mobile !
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?