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Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.