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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?