Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.