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When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion