Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women