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This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone