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The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.