Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.