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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.