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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.